We have good days and not so good days.
Years ago, when I lived here in Eureka, I worked in the woods as a tree faller. It was hard, dangerous work. Working in forests filled with monster redwoods and Douglas fir can be daunting, dangerous, and stress-filled one day and unbelievably - euphorically - satisfying the next. My foreman had a saying: "sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you."
That's just the way it is.
My theology definitely doesn't answer the questions I want to ask, but Jesus does in one teaching when He says, "don't worry about tomorrow... each day has enough trouble..." you know how the verse goes. We do what we can to make it through the day. That's what we do.
Suzie and I fight, we blame shift, and then when we feel better, we treat each other better. Not exactly the way I would do marriage counseling, but this isn't a counseling session; its real life. I wish I could say we handle the stress well. All I can say is that we're committed to seeing this thing through. If we think about the future or the past or what someone else has done to make this situation this situation, we're overwhelmed. It's too much information for my brain to process.
But there's grace for today. Today is all it seems the Lord expects to handle; just today. I might have goals and expectations and hopes for the future, but I honestly think, according to a loose interpretation of Jesus words, we're only accountable for the moment. When you think about it, that's all we have control over anyway; this moment. The past has slipped away and the future isn't ours to control. It's scary, but freeing.
Living it out can be difficult, but, once again, we're only have power over this moment. And limited power, at that. That's the philosophy I've tried to live by the past few months. I don't know if that helps. But sometimes this knowledge helps me.