Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Sadness

You guys all say you like it when I'm real. Well, let me get REAL real. I'm really sad. I'm ready for things to get a little easier. I'm not depressed; I'm just incredibly sad these days.

I want you to know, I'm counting my blessings and am excited when I think of the future, but I'm ready for the future to hurry up and get here. I'm ready for Ali to get better. I'm ready to be able to dive head first into my work. I'm ready for my daughter to not hurt. I'm ready for Susan to be able to get into a normal mommy routine.

I've been working on an article about coping and working through worry and looked at past posts about our situation and it makes everything hurt all over again.

12 comments:

Lisa said...

Dear Bryon,
I found your blog a few months ago...I was looking for Calvary Chapel blogs and yours came up. I have been praying for you and Susan and Ali daily. My husband Doug pastors a Calvary Chapel here in Florida and we have a seven year old son who has autism. Our road through the diagnosis, therapies, altered expectations...everything crazy that comes from parenting a special needs child...has been the hardest thing that we've ever faced. It was incredibly sad at times...and sometimes, still is. But it does get better. The Lord has sustained us...and brought great joy, hope and laughter back into our lives. I know that He will do the same for you and Susan. I am praying for you all as you walk through this valley. God Bless You.

Bryon Mondok said...

Lisa:
thanks. i feel stupid for posting this. but thanks for the encouragement. it's good to hear from someone that's walking down a similar road...

Rick said...

There comes a time when we're ready for all of it to be over. In the past year, I've been through my second divorce and have had my two boys move across the state with their mother. The pain that is there is indescribable sometimes.

Thing is, the timing of this stuff isn't our call. About the best we can do is stay the course and hope it doesn't get worse before it gets better. There are just no easy answers, as I'm sure you know. What encourages me is that you and your wife are seeing this through together, and I get a sense that you're relying on each other for a lot. That's interdependence, and what I think that we were created for.

As always, you're in our prayers.

pete said...

just wanting to let you know that I prated for you and the fam.

grace an peace to you, brother!

luann said...

At my first job out of college, I met a Christian man who was always happy, always smiling, never had a bad day. I couldn't relate to him at all, and I'm guessing others couldn't either. He wasn't like anyone I'd read about in the Bible, including Jesus.
Sadness is just one of the myriad of emotions that God created us with, and if you didn't feel sad about the evil and sin in the world (and how it's affected your loved ones), I'd question your humanity.

Darlene said...

I get sad around the holidays because I can't see my mom and sisters. I haven't spent a holiday with them in years. I know that god placed me here in flordia but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm praying for you and whole family. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your sadness.

Bryon Mondok said...

thanks for the encouragement and prayers, friends... i'm rocking and playing with ali as i type his with one hand...
:)

Vicki Small said...

Bryon, what you and your family have been going through has been difficult enough, just to get through once. Going back and reading about it means, at least at an emotional level, you're living through it all over again!

(Real profound, Vicki.) I know you know that; you're the one doing it. Sadness is just (I'm thinking) one of the most appropriate responses you could have to it all. There's been so much grief in the past 6 months, and the realities are a continuing presence. Thankfully, so is the Holy Spirit ever present and carrying you, when necessary.

Sometime, I'm likely to need you to remind me of that, myself. I hope you will.

Jody said...

Something struck me as I read all of the comments on this post... your being real gave others the "permission" to share and be real too. Because you were brave enough to put yourself "out there", others did too. I think we (Christians) don't do that often enough. We feel like we need to have it all together or something, especially if we've been a Christian for any length of time. Someone reminded me of John 16:33 this week. Jesus was talking to the disciples and he says, "...In me you may have PEACE. In this world you WILL have TROUBLE. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
When I was having some serious marriage problems years ago, I told no one. Probably out of fear of what others would think, embarrassment, or shame. It took a bold Christian, prompted by the Holy Spirit, to finally bring it all out. I wish I had been brave enough to reveal that hurting part of myself (like you have) and as a result, receive support through the prayers and encouragement of others. There were many days when I would think, "this would be a good day for Jesus to return." I prayed he would just take me home. The best part of my biggest trial was that I threw myself at the feet of Jesus and found out that He is who He says He is. God also showed me that he used that trial to answer a long-standing prayer of mine.
Too many people spend too much time on the small talk and never go any deeper. I appreciate your honesty and transparency. I will be lifting your family up in prayer as always.... praying Ps.30 for all of you.

rod pearcy said...

Brian,
You're one of the strongest, most faithful, shining examples of God's love that I know.
Imagine the sadness Jesus felt in the garden.....you are in good company.
I am so proud of you for the way you have handled the curves that life has thrown your way. God loved your family enough to provide them with you....youre a hero in my eyes buddy.

Bryon Mondok said...

that's nice of you to say, Rod :)

Anonymous said...

Bryon -

The Lord is using your journey more then you know. There's no shame in feeling the heaviness ...

I am awed to think of Jesus in Gethsemene (Mathew 26:38), stating "my soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death". What an unfathomable weight and bitter cup ... the crushing ugliness of all of the accumulated sins of humanity.

For the past several month I've been trying to grasp the reality that our Lord became a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief - that he bore our griefs and carried our sorrows. We don't often hear these thoughts in our western envangelical circles.

Don't know you at all but became aware of you first at PP and then SMP and have been praying for your and cheering you on through this journey of faith you are on...

Got to meet you briefly at the CCNW conference at Warm Beach.

PS - I loved your comparison of Brett Wiliams to Tom Petty. Awesome! Brett always makes me think of Bob Dylan.