I made five separate mp3 recordings – one for each question. As I started transcribing the discussion, I deleted the first mp3 recording of the first question about one minute into it. I got the first few sentences, though.
Then I fully transcribed this question: How do you deal with grief now? Here’s a sample of how that discussion went so you can see some of the building blocks for this book.
Susan: I don't know how I deal with grief now.That’s just a taste of the discussion we had in the car yesterday to write content for this book.
Bryon: Does Ben and Jerry's ice cream play a role?
Susan: Potato chips definitely do. Comfort foods do, but, over the past couple of years, I've been trying to eat really healthy. When I feel sad, I go out and take my sister shopping. We go for coffee. We relax. I try and sidetrack myself. But I guess I'm not really grieving. I'm just stuffing the grief down.
Bryon: Are you stuffing the grief down or is this just a part of the healing?
Susan: I think I'm still healing. Like I’ve heard you say: grief comes in waves. When I'm grieving, I don't want to think about certain people. It keeps the wound open.
Bryon: Timmy's out of jail now.
Susan: Timmy's out of jail. You go on his Facebook and he's having fun. He's at the fair. He's out partying with his friends. He has his life back. Allie will never get her life back. Him being out of prison is opening up a whole new area of grief.
Bryon: Is it grief or anger?
Susan: It's sadness and anger. Bitterness. Like, why does he get to live his life? He'll get married. He might have more kids. Allie doesn't have that option. Her disability is for life. It's not something she's going to recover from. And, yet, after his three years parole, he's scot free.
Bryon: How come you can't just forgive him. And forget?
Susan: I have forgiven him.
Bryon: Even though he hasn't asked for it?
Susan: Even though he hasn't asked for it. I’ve forgiven him because I think that was the first step in healing for me. But you can never forget.
Bryon: So "forgive and forget" isn't even a real thing?
Susan: No. I think you can forgive somebody, but you don't have to forget what they did. You can't forget. I can't forget what he did to Allie. Everyday Allie is a constant reminder of what he did.
If this is your first time on this blog and you have no idea what this is all about, read Allie’s story here.