One year ago today, my cell phone startled me awake.
"Oh my God, Dad. You and mom have to pray. Allie's not breathing."
That's the call that changed everything. It was the beginning of the darkest time of my life. God was never so silent; never so far away. I tried to bring Him in closer. I believe, I practice abiding in Him. If I live in Him, He'll live in me, right? That's my theology. So where was He?
There. Here. Present.
I don't know why it felt like He was so hands off. But He wasn't. He was very much hands on through His body; the Body of Christ.
It's unbelievable how friends have rallied to us with prayer and support. And, as I look backward - I wish I could see forward but that view is unavailable to me - I see how God has prepared me my whole life for where I am now. I take comfort in that as I look forward to an unknown, un-viewable future. Past grace equals future grace.
So I'm not going to mark this anniversary with depression or sadness because those kinds of days creep into my life on their own. I'm going to mark this anniversary by naming the good things God has done.
He's provided for me.
He's opened new doors of ministry to me.
He's shown me how much love I'm capable of containing.
Not containing... overflowing.
He's shown me how strong and deep and tenacious my relationship with the charming and beautiful Susan.
He's shown what a good friend Dan is.
And Super Dave.
And very single person that has left a comment on this blog.
And you other blog friends.
And you, friend, that I forgot to mention by name. I know you weren't a friend to me because I remember; you're a friend because you know God sees and you were just laying up riches in His house.
Some of you sent me a book.
Or Allie a package.
And there are a jillion unseen, silent prayer warriors that have prayed for my family and doctors and therapists.
You've even sent us money.
If we didn't feel such intense and long-lasting pain, we would never know how much you guys really care for and love us.
So that's where You've been hiding, God; in your people.
From now on, April 29 is "God Shows Up Day."