Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Darkest Day

One year ago today, my cell phone startled me awake.

"Oh my God, Dad. You and mom have to pray. Allie's not breathing."

That's the call that changed everything. It was the beginning of the darkest time of my life. God was never so silent; never so far away. I tried to bring Him in closer. I believe, I practice abiding in Him. If I live in Him, He'll live in me, right? That's my theology. So where was He?

There. Here. Present.

I don't know why it felt like He was so hands off. But He wasn't. He was very much hands on through His body; the Body of Christ.

It's unbelievable how friends have rallied to us with prayer and support. And, as I look backward - I wish I could see forward but that view is unavailable to me - I see how God has prepared me my whole life for where I am now. I take comfort in that as I look forward to an unknown, un-viewable future. Past grace equals future grace.

So I'm not going to mark this anniversary with depression or sadness because those kinds of days creep into my life on their own. I'm going to mark this anniversary by naming the good things God has done.

He's provided for me.
He's opened new doors of ministry to me.
He's shown me how much love I'm capable of containing.
Not containing... overflowing.
He's shown me how strong and deep and tenacious my relationship with the charming and beautiful Susan.
He's shown what a good friend Dan is.
And Chris.
And Cheryl.
And Nancy.
And Dave.
And Debbie.
And Lyndsey.
And Justine.
And Super Dave.
And Lyette.
And Kathy.
And Jody.
And Dorinda.
And Chet.
And Jeff.
And Ron.
And Joyce.
And Stephan.
And Luann.
And Dot.
And Archie.
And very single person that has left a comment on this blog.
And you other blog friends.
And you, friend, that I forgot to mention by name. I know you weren't a friend to me because I remember; you're a friend because you know God sees and you were just laying up riches in His house.
Some of you sent me a book.
Or Allie a package.
And there are a jillion unseen, silent prayer warriors that have prayed for my family and doctors and therapists.
You've even sent us money.

If we didn't feel such intense and long-lasting pain, we would never know how much you guys really care for and love us.

So that's where You've been hiding, God; in your people.

From now on, April 29 is "God Shows Up Day."

5 comments:

okiepreacher said...

Bryon: I cannot begin to know your pain - but I can pray for you all and for dear, sweet Allie.

Rick said...

And just so you know, Bryon, that even when I would go for long periods of time without leaving a comment, you're still being prayed for on my end. God bless you and your family as healing continues to take place. Hope we get a chance to catch up some day.

Jody said...

"God shows up day"... cool... what a great way to approach the hardest of days...
Praying God will continue showing you how HUGE He is.
Love you guys.

Darlene said...

I can't believe it's been a year already. It's seems longer than that. I remember when you got the call. You, Susan, Allie, Charity and Aaron are constantly in my prayers.

This has been an amazing journey and I'm really thankful that you have been sharing it with us.

That's what friends are for. To share things. Be it good or bad.

j a n said...

what a beautiful post. It actually brought tears to my eyes. You literally described the body of Christ, and thanks for reminding us what God really looks like when He "shows up."