Friday, February 22, 2008

Rock-a-bye

Sleep time is a busy time in our little household. Allie is going through a phase where she is up every couple of hours during the night. This keeps the charming and beautiful Susan hopping. This morning, I took over the watch at around 2 a.m. and fed Allie a bottle and bounced her on the ball (we use a fitness orb as a rocking chair - it's the only thing that works for me...). I usually put Allie down for a couple of naps during the day and she goes right out, but her night time sleep pattern is different and it takes a little more patience.

This routine, while rough on the charming and beautiful Susan and me, is a good thing for Allie. She has so much more flexibility and range of movement than she used to so she's a little wiggle worm these days; day and night. But she doesn't have all the movement that she needs. So, she has enough movement to flip over on her back while sleeping or to lose her pacifier, but she doesn't have the vision or ability to move well enough to find her lost binky and put it back in her mouth. So she wakes up.

But even while she's moving, when we pick her up, she relaxes in our arms and falls back to sleep in them. But in order for her to stay asleep in her crib, we have to rock with her for about an hour. Tonight, for me, this was a sacred time. I just watch over her and pray. I wonder why it's taking so long for my prayers to be answered, but maybe these kind of prayers take longer.

We're coming up on a year since this happened. I arrived in California on May 1, I think it was. I was full of despair, but I made positive confessions hoping somehow this would prompt God to bring me back the baby we had living at our house before horrible things happened to her. Why did God let this happen?

I asked that then and I'm still asking it because I haven't heard the answer yet.

But God decided to answer a questions I never asked. I never asked Him if I could love a baby so much. He's shown me that I can love more than I ever thought I could.

And I never asked Him if I had a strong marriage. Though rocky at times, He's shown me that I'm married to an amazing woman and that our marriage can survive the worse tragedy imaginable.

God showing us these things in the here and now gives us faith for the future. When Jesus' disciples prayed, "Lord, increase our faith..." I think this is how He does it. What do you think?

4 comments:

Darlene said...

He has shown me so much since I've moved here to florida. I've looked back on how I started this journey and where I am now and am so amazed of what he has done in my life and the people around me.

You and the family are always in my prayers and thoughts.

Lyndsey said...

Wow... that is awesome insight Bryon.

luann said...

I've always thought the worst fate would be to have a disabled child. But seeing your love for Allie grow and change and deepen--and seeing you grow and change and deepen--has inspired me and challenged me. I no longer think you are experiencing one of the worst fates. I think you're one of the luckiest people alive.

Anonymous said...

How Awasome is our God!ALLELUYA! to answer your question I am absolutely sure that that the love that you have for Allie and the Love and support that you and Susan have given each other is an absolute miracle, do you know P.Bryon how many people would have given up already! But look to what God is doing to both of you, of course He is going to answer your prayers and He has but only in His perfect timing after you allowed yourself to learn from this seasoned will He move you to the next level and again you will be amazed and this seasoned will be history and you will look back and Thank the Lord for your growth and the growth that others have had through your testimony and looking up at your situation and how you have handle it.

I am always amazed how God uses peolple in every situation but also how you have allowed God to use you is being quite an experience for me, being so open about what you are going through not everyone would have what it takes to share is easier to hold it in is a way to be save of others judgement and so many other things even though you have choosen the opposite and have expossed your real feelings that is incredible how many people would?.

Just not running away from this has been one of the biggest test for you two, Do you realize that?

Well as usual I got excited (I am!) God blessed we keep you in prayer!

Marny Sartor