Here's Amy's comments and question:
Hey! I had no idea you were a grandpa! Congrats! I'm assuming, because her name is Mondok, that Charity isn't married... I'd love to pick your brain a bit - my little sister (16) just told us she's pregnant and the baby's coming in December. Well, she told us in July, but it was quite a shocker. The other thing (not a big deal to me, but has my dad just about to jump off a bridge) is that the daddy is black. Any advice??
I'll never forget the night I found out Charity was pregnant. She was still 18. Our electricity had just come back on after being knocked out for about a week after Hurricane Wilma blew through last October. Charity planned the timing of the delivery of her news quite well. I was in bed about 11:30pm when she called my wife's cell phone which she always keeps on her night stand on her side of the bed. Charity knew I was fast asleep and that her momma is a light sleeper and would be the one to answer the phone. Charity did not want me to be the one to answer.
I woke to hearing Susan's voice out in the living room. She was on the phone with Charity, and while I lay in bed I began to listen in on Susan's side of the conversation. Suddenly it felt like the cieling landed on my chest when I figured out what they were talking about. My heart was broken.
Susan and I stayed up the rest of the night and just talked. Charity had done four of those home pregnancy tests that day and all of them came up positive. I'm proud of her because she didn't wait even a whole day before she let us know. She couldn't tell me not because she feared my wrath, but because she knew that I'd be broken hearted. She told her mom that she was going to stay away for a couple of days while the news sank in. The next day, I didn't call her, but I text messaged her: "I love you." She text messaged back: "I love you, too."
I wish I could say that she and I have handled this whole thing with perfect ease, but we haven't. We've had our share of tears and playing the "blame game." Susan and I were looking forward to an empty nest to put it quite frankly. Maybe we would go back into the mission field. We're relatively young for parents with teens getting ready to move out (we both turned forty in the past year and our youngest is eighteen with plans to move out) and we thought that we were going to be an active in ministry, childless couple. "Who knows where we'll go to serve the Lord next?" But now we have a baby in the house.
There are two things I've learned:
- I don't get to determine my destiny, I just get to shape it a little.
- It's not the baby's fault.
Here's how this whole thing relates to God: ALL children are a gift from Him (Psalm 127:3) and ALL of us are conceived in sin (Psalm 51:5). And Jesus has an attitude toward children that cannot be ignored. In Matthew 18, Jesus brings a child into the middle of the crowd as an object lesson to those arguing about who is the greatest (Matthew 18:1-5). Jesus said that if you want to be great, become like a child. He went on to warn anyone listening (or reading) how bad the consequences would be to the one who hurt, sinned against, or caused a child to sin (Matthew 18:6), and it ain't pretty. Jesus said that each little boy and girl is assigned an angel and that this angel stands in the presence of God the Father (Matthew 18:10). I want to be on the angel's good side as he makes his report to our Father.
Here's the bottom line: God has given me the chance to participate with Him in loving this child.
I can be angry and blame my daughter for wrecking my plans. But that's just childish. God would not bring this situation into my life if He didn't build me to handle it. What rings in my ears is the verse in Acts where Jesus tells Saul, "It is hard for you to kick against the goads."
About the baby-daddy: you're right. It doesn't matter that he's black. But from your father's point of view, red or yellow, black or white; ain't none o' them gonna be precious in his sight. The man knocked up his little girl. But it's his grandchild and your father has been given the chance to participate with God in loving this child. He also has the chance to participate with God and forgive the foolishness and sin of his daughter.
I realized that my daughter just got caught doing the things I (and her mother) got away with.
Here's how I handled things with our baby-daddy. Something that none of us are proud of is that in Charity's case, over the course of two weeks, there were two candidates. I made it my goal to befriend both of them. One of these guys was most likely going to be a part of my life for some time. Maybe this guy would become a life-long friend somehow. One guy was very receptive. For the most part, that's another story for another time, but the short of it is that this guy made a profession of faith in Christ and was baptised. But he didn't turn out to be the dad. The other guy, I became aquainted with and was friendly toward him, but he left town shortly after the baby was born. It turns out that he's the biological father. And I'm still praying that the Lord will open the door for a relationship between him and I in the future.